you left us. you left me.. without seeing you fer the last time. i dont know how im feeling right now. im not crying. i just feel that the world is unfair. nothing is fair. im aware the pain you were going thru fer this month. when you were in pain. i felt helpless. i couldnt do much. jex sat beside you looking at you. i didnt manage to fulfil what you wanted me to do. i didnt manage to tell you in time. but i know you'll be there the day im getting back mie prelims results. and mie Os too. i swear this pains me. i wanted to visit you today yet.. yet this happened. why. why. i know its something everyone has to accept. but its hard to accept. i was listless the whole morning, even on mie way to school. i even forgot mie keys. before stepping to the examination hall. i told myself ill give mie best shot. fulfil yer wish. ill never gonna let you down. and ill always remember what you've said to me. i do. i swear i do.

i remembered vividly when i held onto yer hands. from august till now. how much you've changed over the month. the tears in everyone's eyes. the way you smiled at me. the way you waved at me. no matter how pain you were in. you'll never fail to give me a smile. even the day when you went fer op. you showed me hand signs that you'll go thru it. not forgetting the way you nagged at me. not forgetting yer tears & all.

how am i going to accept this again? didi left a year ago. 17o3. and now 28o9. its mid-autumn festival. why. im on the verge of breaking down. mum regretted fer not visiting you yesterday. she wanted to. in the end she didnt. and she regretted it. i regretted fer not being there till the end. but wells. nothing's gonna change the fact now. rest in peace andy. by now. i suppose the angels are with you. ill always remember. everyone loves you still. and i do.

i stumbled upon mie paper. lol. my hands were like 'froze'. my finger hurts as i wrote pages of geography. its like fer goodness sake. im tolerating the pain. my hands were like numbed. and i scribbled as much as i could. haha. and mrs ang, mie chinese teacher. shes so nice. she even asked if im okay. lols. whenever she sees me she'll ask me whether im alright. love her. shes great.

went to mie house nearby macc to meet doggy. i was waiting fer like an hour? and i thought he lost his way here. and he actually waited at the other end >.< it was until he was tryin to order something and i saw him. booo. wasted an hour fer nothing. saw bibi! wee. shes there again. hahas everyone's been studying yeah. hmms. doggy taught me relative velocity, permutation and comb and probability! these are mie weakest topics. thanks doggy. *smuckkk!

i suppose tmr's the day im taking out mie braces! aww. i love mie braces fer goodness sake! theres no school fer me tmr. yesyes! i got a distinction fer chinese Os so i dont need to sit fer that prelim paper. but i have to wake up early. going hos to visit andy kor. then heading to dental. and meet up zhenguang. shopping spree. ((:

yesterday first prelim theory paper started. yes. had english p1 and literature paper. i wrote the topic on 'what your country will be like in 2050?'. theres another question on "Walls are good neighbours. What are your views?" i was like walls? i can only think of a point. =/ haha. literature was pretty screwed up. it asked for dramatic irony. i think 99% of my classmates dont know how to do. and im pretty sure. yes and im in the 99%! boo. thats it.

yesterday had library graduation party. quite boring. haha. i got a token of appreciation - a bookmark with my name carved on it! =D had refreshments tooo. yumm. then headed to je library in the late afternoon. met hong ian, jamie and melanie. umms. studied a little. not that much. disappointment. came home at nine plus. spent 30mins discussing about direction (?!) aye but doggy coming over to teach me on thursday! uh oh. hope im able to understand. its like i've spent weeks on relative velocity already. thats hell. hmm. something screwed up at night. thats like so ridiculous. im not angry. im just irritated. shant talk about it. (:

happy birthday ying! dearie. sorry i cant be there with you. but you know, like i said, you'll always be in mie heart <3

and not forgetting sel and ting. happy sixteen birthday! (:

we were lucky. managed to find a beanbag as its always hard to. kingsly spent the whole hour doing one chemical equation while i did his emaths. in the end i didnt study mie chemistry. hohos. and saw laogong! lols. then kingsly and i chatted fer awhile. and left fer dinna at kfc. we chatted and chatted until kingsly was so engrossed that he forgot the time. moohahas.

left at around seven. he has to take train all the way back to yio chu kang. poor thing. =\ went to buy hor fun fer mie mum and headed to nuh to visit mie cussie again. studied a bit of chemistry. didnt talk to kor much..

my sista is back! ohmiegawd. she asked me if i missed her. i said i didnt. i dont miss you mei. and she's like awww.. sad. and squatted down covering her face. and i asked if she did miss me. she said yes she did. how much. a lot! haha. she asked again. and i said no i dont. in the end i said ohhh i missed you. aint mie sis cute. shes like giggling and i gave her a smuackkk! haha. and she hugged me. hehes. cute lil sis. yeapps. i guess thats all.

damnnit man. i was really upset please. yesterday as usual went to jurong east library. yahs i went there fer four continuous days already. i met up with jj, shan, jingyi, adam, kingsly and jiahao. i saw elinn too. and so on. kingsly lost his hp and i was trying to console him. AND YET I DIDNT KNOW I LOSE MY CALCULATOR THAT DAY?! until today. when i came home after mie piano lessons. i realised i lost mie calculator. its in the library! yahs and im meeting shawn kor at the library. so i asked him check fer me. but dont have ): when i reached there. saw some gangsters like tryin to tio someone. heck laa. then ran inside. found kor. tried to ask the librarians and whatsoever but disappointment. in the end made a report. damn sadd. u can ask mie kor =/ lol. alright. shant talk about it. im sorry ying. im sorry. -heartpains-

okays studied with kor. im the one disturbing him. lols. he taught me relative velocity and YAYS. i finally know the concept. /cheeky grin. then did physics instead of chemistry. lucky calvin was there so i borrowed his calculator. then he joined us. and he left in the evening. later we found bean bags so changed place. yays can sleeep! haha. okk fun. kor was trying to sleep and i said, 'if you dare to sleep and not studying yer economics, i make sure i'll draw yer face'. moohahas. he wanna use highlighters to draw on me when im sleeping. BUT i have highlighters are more than him. i have 10 he has 2. =P okk lars. i did sleeep. i tried to deny a few times but the last i lost. he eventually counted the minutes. lucky he did not draw on me =/ then went fer dinna. we bought ljs and ate it at the ice skatin ring. i realised something. i know what he is afraid of. weees. -skip skip-

when i was about to leave. mum called and asked me to wait fer her there. then i called kor again to accompany me till mie mum was here. actually wanna introduce him to mie mum. but he left. lols. had a nicee and great day. EXCEPT FER THE CALCULATOR INCIDENT. grrrs.

tmr morning need to go hougang. thats super far. >.< meeting kingsly to pass him music scores then meeting hoeseng at hougang green to study and get some notes from him. hohos. shifu. i believe i'll gain some knowledge from him. xP oh yahs. and thanks kor fer teaching me amaths and physics. smuackkk! -tickles- :D

had amaths remedial at 8am. arrived earlier so did a bit of copying. its paper 2 lahs. yahh i know. theres time fer me to read up my e and amaths. then at noon after the remedial ends, went to have lunch with gh and jl. and headed to je library again. saw chris and group there. so i joined them cause its hard to find seats. hehs. theres lots of my school people. almost everywhere. yahh was there studying. two of the raffles institution guys caught my eye. they were studying like mad. it gives me quite a lot of pressure. but i learnt from them a lot. xP studied amaths and geo. then physics. at around four lizhen and tony came while the rest left. it was really noisy there i could say. i wanna strangle the deejays. they were there playing music. okk lahs. not bad BUT ITS DAMN IRRITATING. i told them twice to lower down the volume. theres even this guy who shouted at them. hell. they lowered it down, but it came back again. blah. then around five plus headed to macc to have dinner. met up with jacky and ivan. then zhen, jacky and ivan went fer tuition while tony and i headed back to library. celine and kim yeen were helping us taking care of our belongings. heh thanks sweeties.

hmm so yeah. studied till eight. met up with jacky and zhen again. zhen's dad drove me home. supposing to meet up with the clique but i was lazy and damn tired. wells. about eleven hours of studying was really great. however. its really tiring and its a headache. but i think i need to get used to this. gonna carry on till prelims start. ive planned my aim and schedule. almost everything. progress report l1r5 scored 17. but im aiming 10. yes 10. i need to really work hard for a/emaths a1 as well as fer geo. ive got 1 fer chinese. and the rest. sciences hopefully a2 whereas english n combined humanities.. b4. hard work pays off! i believe it cause ive been thru this and its really true.

jex now talked over the phone with mie kor. mum said hes better now and could talk. so yah, i chatted with him over the phone fer a little while. hehs. hes nagging at me. says if i neva work hard and heard from mie mum about this, im gonna get it from him. nanana. i told him about mie study time today and he said i should take some rest. wells. i promised him i'll do well and work hard fer the sake of him too. honestly. i really hope he can see mie prelim results. i wanted to tell him.. i'll work hard. and you should work hard too. god will bless him. it makes me think of the words that he said.. god wanna take him away. sighs. jex hoping that his fighting spirits are still there. :D

headed back to her hse and had dinna. i love the soup. mwahhaas. its the first time i tried her mum's cooking. not that bad thou. then her dad fetch me back. so i met up with zhenguang, jiting, jinhong, jason and lianhong. they bought an ice-cream cake. no wonder they kept rushing me >.< so we took a bus to pearly jie's house. and we gave her a surprise as shes in the void deck with ben and jerome. theres no knife so we went up to her place. yeahs.. so stayed at there till around eleven. by the way.. i got some advices from jerome as hes from acjc. hmms. i dont know.. cause i dont have much confidence getting in there. perhaps due to the fact that no one from mie school has gotten into a good school. i really wanna get into ac. i mean.. i wanna try the first three months. that really hafta depend on mie grades.. oh wells.

im mugging fer mie prelims yeah. so wont be updating that much. holidays! uh. i think mie schedule kinda tight. tryin to fork out time meeting hs to study and get the maths from him. i hope i can score the same fer chemistry. i wonder how he gets that chemistry brain. LOL. -gRinx-